Sunday, June 5, 2011

Dating vs. Courtship

The difference between dating and courtship is huge.  I believe the latter, but this post is intended to start a debate, so feel free to yell at me in the comments box.  (No profanity, please).
My Observations on Dating by Mark Forstrom:
~The relationship usually begins with trying to impress the other person and trying to win him or her over, but the real person remains hidden behind a mask.
~The relationship is formalized by asking the other to "go out"--which is an undefined, temporary pseudo-commitment or contract of sorts.  In reality, the promise made is basically "I'll be somewhat loyal to you for now."
~ They rely on words like "I love you" and Facebook statuses and use pet names, flirting, teasing, good looks, and immodesty.  These are shallow ways to try to keep the relationship secure.
~ Life is much more stressful, complicated, and dramatic with so much riding on the status of the relationship.
~ They tend to become a clique of two, isolating themselves from others.
~ It becomes awkward to speak with or enjoy friendships with those of the opposite sex.
~ Old friends frequently become neglected or hurt, having been replaced by the boyfriend or girlfriend.
~ They often feel a sense of entitlement over the other person's time, attention, and body.
~ They experience great heartbreak and depression when they break up.  Both suffer, but the one who cared the most ends up the most wounded.

So what is the difference between dating and courtship?  Well, in a nutshell, three important keys to a biblical relationship which are often lacking in a dating relationship are these:
1. Marriage is the goal of the relationsip
Biblically, there is no reason to pursue a romantic relationship except for the purpose of marriage, thus entering into the relationship knowing that, yes, if God blesses this relationship, I intend to marry this person.  This takes the guessing-where-the-relationship-is-headed factor out.

2. The complete blessing of both sets of parents is given
God works through authorities.  Specifically in this area of marriage, it is so important to have the blessings of both sets of parents and their advice and guidance along the way.
This makes sure that your decision to court is not made by feelings, but on a good foundation.  This way, instead of two twitterpated brains thinking, you have four other solid brains.

3. The focus is on the spiritual vs. physical.
In courtship, the purpose is to build a strong spiritual relationship and save the physical entirely for marriage.
-Mark Forstrom, Sarah Mally

Courtship, as I define it, is Dating with commitment and the intention of marriage. 
Dating, as I define it, is a temporary relationship with no solid foundation and unsure intentions. 
If you disagree with me, that's fine.  I respect that. I personally define the dating process like this:
Fall in "love", date, give heart away, break up, get heart broken.  Repeat.
I want no part of this ever, thank you.

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